Happy New Year, Mom

Before I make any resolutions on this New Year's Eve, I think it would be a good time to take stock in my accomplishments in 2009.  I started my year involved in Native American studies, particularly the healing aspects.  A large group of women dwindled down to a smaller group of women.  I was and still am unsure why so many women dropped out of this training, but I was glad that I stayed with the program.  I walked away knowing more about myself, my inner strength, and depth of outer intentions.  I hope that makes sense to you.  I think it prepared me to finish what I started a few years earlier with my writing.  


Writing about my mother's passing to Spirit has not been easy.  There have been many tears, tears of joy and love felt and missed.  As I wrote I often felt her presence with me.  How else could I remember with such clarity each scene as if I were sitting in the room, smelling the smells, hearing the voices?  Where did I get the strength to write through the heart break of some of those painful moments I spent with her when she spoke so candidly of her dying?  There were times I couldn't see the screen through the tears, but my fingers kept moving to tell the story of her strength.  


Telling our story has helped  me grieve.  I hadn't realized that I lost some Christmas spirit.  This year my house was filled with my music boxes, snowmen, and Santas.  They sat in the attic for the last three years; I just wasn't in the mood.  But, this year when I wrote, I felt my mother with me. It helped  me more than I ever imagined.  Yes, Alice, Grammy, my mother is with me now as I am blinded once again by my tears trickling down my face, typing like crazy sharing these thoughts with you.  She said she would always be with me and I believed her then.  So, why shouldn't I believe her now?  I love you, Mom, and I miss you.  Happy New Year to you.